far too much writing, far too many photos

runswithscissors


Monday, February 25, 2002

The following was received via e-mail a couple of weeks back (thanks to Gill). It's undergone a bit of rewriting and clean-up:


The Lord of The Rings meets Bridget Jones's Diary:

THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN, SON OF ARATHORN

Day 1: Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles.
Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.

Day 4: Stuck on mountain with Hobbits.
Boromir really annoying. Not King yet.

Day 6: Orcs killed: none. Disappointing.
Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding
myself back. Still not King.

Day 10: Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in
Mines of Moria. Big Balrog. Not King today
either.

Day 11: Orcs killed: 7. V. good.
Stubble update: Looking mangy. Legolas may
be hotter than me. I wonder if he would like
me if I was King?

Day 28: Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly
attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam
would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not King.

Day 30: In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was
hitting on me. Saucy wench. Nice chat with
Boromir. He's not so bad. Took a shower. Yay!
But still not King.

Day 32: Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly
hairy. Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat
had been growing in his mind. I think Legolas
might be kinda gay. Nope, not King.

Day 33: Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.
Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died
bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was
very definitely gay. Not so sure about Gimli either.
RIP Boromir. Still not King, but at least Boromir
seemed to think I was. That might, however, have
been blood loss.

Day 34: Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going
alone, but took Sam with him. Why? My God, is
everyone in this movie gay but me? Not so sure
about me either. Still not King, goddammit.

========================================= >

The Very Secret Diary of Boromir of Gondor

Day 1: Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn
acting all superior as usual. He thinks he's so great
because he's shagging that bit of elf crumpet on the
side. I mean, just because someone has a broad
chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and
loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that.... er,
what? Oh, sorry. Got distracted there for a bit.
Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission
while distracted by Aragorn's enormous... rudeness.
Ooops.

Day 3: Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.

Day 4: Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up,
but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard.
Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved
right up his.... Stupid Ring.

Day 5: Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted
to Frodo. Ha Ha! Ha! Sam will kill him if he tries
anything.

Day 6: Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the
Ring back to Froooodoo." "Boromir, let *me* carry
Frodo up Caradhras." "Boromir, quit trying to cut off
Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the
Ring." Blatant favoritism most annoying.

Day 10: Why isn't Aragorn into me ?

Day 11: Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.
Kind of liked it, actually. Hope am not turning into
pervy hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir. Not
after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin
are cute little things, too.... In other news, Gandalf
died.

Day 30: In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe.
Feel sure she was attracted to my rugged yet
unwashed manliness. Legolas took a bath in her
fountain. Got in trouble. Ha Ha! Big elfy git.
Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has
spot on his nose. Aragorn suggested we take
baths as well. Only realized in nick of time he
did not mean with each other. Stupid Aragorn.

Day 33 : Frodo being all weird about the Ring.
Won't even let me look at it. Must admit I had a
bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at
it. Rolled around on him till he went invisible.
Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier
when he punched me in the face). Aragorn
would be jealous. Ha! Later, I was killed by orcs.
Stupid orcs.

rws 12:15 PM [+]

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BLATHERINGS

August 2001
September 2001
October 2001
November 2001
December 2001
January 2002
February 2002
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April 2002
May 2002
June 2002
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January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
June 2009
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.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .


MORE FOCUSED BLATHERINGS


Travels:
London '01
Pamplona
Italy '03
U.K. '03
Sevilla
Casablanca
Stoke-on-Trent
Barcelona
Québec/Ottawa
Boston/Lisbon/Madrid
Italy '04
Montréal
La Sierra

Events:
Madrid -- arrival
9/11
Emergency Room I
Holidays 2001
Holidays 2002
Holidays 2003
Holidays 2004
Holidays 2005
A neighbor's passing
Madrid -- March 11 bombings
  and aftermath
Emergency Room II
Israeli friend/Madrid Marathon
Madrid -- Royal Wedding
The DELE exam

GONE, a novel:
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10

THE BASTARD CHILDREN OF
JOE ROCCO, a novella:
-- Part 1
-- Part 2
-- Part 3

BURBANK SHRUGGED,
a screenplay:
-- Part 1
-- Part 2
-- Part 3
-- Part 4

Short stories:
Murphy's Wife
Another Autumn
La Queja de Una
  Hermanastra Muy Conocida

Autobiography
-- Personal History
-- Hormones On Parade
-- Accidents, Random Mishaps,
    Personal Problems

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .


OTHER SOURCES OF WHOLESOME ENTERTAINMENT

People/Weblogs:
dooce
foxvox
fudge it
fear not
rebekka
bookslut
802online
idle words
madhaiku
wockerjabby
grow-a-brain
rebel market
letting me be
out and about
kung fu grippe
fanatical apathy
baghdad burning
wfuv's music blog
kexp's music blog
mimi smartypants
between the miles
just a hippie gypsy
the impossible cool
tomato can brushes
vermont homestead
sugar mountain farm

Good Clean Fun:
gizmodo
futurismic
postsecret
dave barry
human clock
mcsweeney's
spaceweather
book-a-minute
internet archive
self-portrait day
my cat hates you
out of context quotes
surrealist compliment
  generator
strindberg and helium

Makin' Musical Whoopee:
last fm
stereo8
pandora
soma fm

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .


ABOUT RWS/CONTACT





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